I can’t keep the act up. I really don’t want to carry on as things are at the moment; what’s the point. I can barely walk, can’t work or drive or get around without relying on other people. They say they don’t mind but deep down they wish they hadn’t. I would only be missed by a few, as proven by the past year, and that’s a couple of hundred days away yet. I hope it’s sooner.

The tablets and morphine don’t seem to do anything…maybe the pain is too much for the dose or I’m just used to it; either way it’s only a fortnight to wait, maybe they’ll give more or up it to something else. They had best make some changes though, it’s too much effort pretending it’s all ‘ok’ or ‘fine’. I’m not.

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