It’s too hard to walk anywhere anymore; sitting down takes the pain from the legs but it’s always in my head. I don’t know whether it’s the tumour or the bleed that causes it, but I suppose it’s not too long before I find out. Hopefully all of my questions get answered…and prognosis is one of them…

I’ve a chair. The first time I have to use it in public is going to be hell; too much ‘look at me’; no-one will be saying it, but they will be thinking it. If it’s said I won’t be sure how I’m going to’s been a while and there’s a hell of a lot building inside of me.


The frustration and anger isn’t easing off. I know it all stems from my own mindset and there’s only me that can change it, but it’s not as easy as flicking a switch and suddenly not feeling the way I do. It angers me at what others have and fail to realise it, it angers me at how little purpose I have; everyone and everything is moving on and I’m stuck in limbo, full of pain and uncertainty.

I’m 28 for now and I’ve acheived nothing and until this situation is sorted one way or the other, there’s no chance of that changing. If the rumoured year long chemo plan continues having the same external effects as they have done so far then there isn’t any point in anything; I can’t put up with living, well, existing, like it for too much more. All I can do is let them get on with it and wish for an ending to it…..