Milk

My leg isn’t getting any better; all the way around Tretham I was stopping. It could have been the heat but there’s more chance of it being Clive or bleed related. My head has been constantly hurting at the back, which is neither Clive nor bleed location so it could just be dehydration. I’m drinking more to compensate but it doesn’t seem to have any effect.

The letter from Toogood to the Dr’s goes on about talking to someone, which as I said to him, it’s not something worth doing. What’s the point? They know I haven’t got long and I know I haven’t got long, it’s just a matter of knowing roughly when.

Within the next few weeks I will be nearer getting things sorted for the auction; hopefully it will have some lasting effect after I’ve gone, but it would be nice to get a good amount before I do. And if one fucking person calls me ‘inspirational’, I’ll fucking kill them; I hate that word for so many reasons.

Moonage

I’ve spilt Morphine leaving me with just enough to tide me over, it leaves a terrible smell, but it’s my own doing. It’s only for pain relief and if worst comes to worse, I’ve got some Solpadol as backup…both of which I can stock up on when in clinic.

I can’t see the point in the late effects appointment at all; what’s the point talking about Fred when Clive is their main point of interest? Well, Clive and the bleed, but again, I won’t know anything until the day after what’s happening with that, so a bit of a pointless appointment. It might be the last one though and once it’s done it’s out of the way and who knows, I might get some answers from it….

Getting things sorted for the auction might give me more of a focus; I’ve been getting bits and bobs for it and it seems as though Tony has been doing a lot behind the scenes too. It should raise a lot of money and at least some, if not lots, of awareness.

My leg has been all over the place this morning. It’s been less responsive and like a useless appendage for a while now, but this morning, there was a hell of a lot of pain, mostly in the right side. It could be anything causing it and it seems to be easing off a little now, but if it’s like that every day, it’s another tick in the other column.

Closer

Fred is off this morning, yet he still answers the phone and sorts out what needs answering- the elongated MRI from October is in lieu of any kind of biopsy, which they couldn’t do for obvious reasons, and was indeed for them to see what they are facing. They won’t scan during the treatment, but will do so frequently, they say, afterwards….

It’s possibly just a coincidence, but after a mountain of chinese takeaway last night, sleep was marginly better, not proper, actual sleep, but a few hours extra and a degree of being slighty more awake. It’s probabably nothing and will be back to normal later, but for now, it’s a small victory. There’s little else to really acheive at the moment, waking up and still being able to move is pretty much the goal for each morning and so far, it happens.

It’s a hell of a good job I called to see whether a timetable could be arranged for the radiotheraphy course, which is stupidly early in the morning, so plenty of coffee and called in offers might be needed very soon, but it turns out I’m booked for an earlier time on Tuesday than planned, so the day shouldn’t seem quite as long.

More more more!

Fred called up and confirmed that we would indeed be starting the chemo tablets up again when I see Dr Spooner on the 5th, so a nice week-ish break before then, clean of all but I think the steroids..and anti-sickness ones. Ok, hardly meds free at all then….

They will up the dosage too- will be fun seeing how much they decide to keep filling me up with as well as the radiotherapy, which I really can’t recall how that knocked me all those years back….but then again, things should have improved in the process since then and until it all mixes and mushes around, no-one knows how I’m going to react to it.