Begin again

This weekend has been the worst one so far; I barely made it around the boot sale and Tamworth, no amount of pretending could disguise the fact that I’m deteriatorating massively. The same today in Birmingham, I can’t act anymore; the legs are on their way out it seems. I’ve been wobblier than before and it’s just a matter of time before I go over.

If I could start again, knowing what I do, there woukd be those who would be treated exactly as they have been and the story will remain the same. A whole host of people will never have been spoken to and even known of.

For the second day, a chair has been mentioned, so everyone else must be noticicing the walking. I swore that I wouldn’t go that route unless needs be….and it’s becoming that way.


My leg isn’t getting any better; all the way around Tretham I was stopping. It could have been the heat but there’s more chance of it being Clive or bleed related. My head has been constantly hurting at the back, which is neither Clive nor bleed location so it could just be dehydration. I’m drinking more to compensate but it doesn’t seem to have any effect.

The letter from Toogood to the Dr’s goes on about talking to someone, which as I said to him, it’s not something worth doing. What’s the point? They know I haven’t got long and I know I haven’t got long, it’s just a matter of knowing roughly when.

Within the next few weeks I will be nearer getting things sorted for the auction; hopefully it will have some lasting effect after I’ve gone, but it would be nice to get a good amount before I do. And if one fucking person calls me ‘inspirational’, I’ll fucking kill them; I hate that word for so many reasons.


I’ve spilt Morphine leaving me with just enough to tide me over, it leaves a terrible smell, but it’s my own doing. It’s only for pain relief and if worst comes to worse, I’ve got some Solpadol as backup…both of which I can stock up on when in clinic.

I can’t see the point in the late effects appointment at all; what’s the point talking about Fred when Clive is their main point of interest? Well, Clive and the bleed, but again, I won’t know anything until the day after what’s happening with that, so a bit of a pointless appointment. It might be the last one though and once it’s done it’s out of the way and who knows, I might get some answers from it….

Getting things sorted for the auction might give me more of a focus; I’ve been getting bits and bobs for it and it seems as though Tony has been doing a lot behind the scenes too. It should raise a lot of money and at least some, if not lots, of awareness.

My leg has been all over the place this morning. It’s been less responsive and like a useless appendage for a while now, but this morning, there was a hell of a lot of pain, mostly in the right side. It could be anything causing it and it seems to be easing off a little now, but if it’s like that every day, it’s another tick in the other column.

Trailing brambles

Lichfield was pretty uneventful, nothing bar a few wobbles to report. By  chance Weatherspoons had a nice spicy curry on offer, so I could liven up my mouth…I still can taste and appreciate food, but sometimes anything just tastes bland and a bit stodgy; but this did the trick.

Waking up this morning my right leg stung with the same pain as though I’d just run for the first time in a while, so I’m going to read into that the muscles are getting slighty used to being used again; they don’t get that much use day to day so it makes sense.

A trip out to Sutton Park today was another nice break away from my four walls, although there were a few instances where I had to stop to let my leg have a rest, I coped with it ok. I’ll be overjoyed when I can get back there properly.

Aside from a squirrel or two, a Jay was about the only wildlife spotted..