Over the past week or so it seems as if the sleep issues from months ago are back. It’s about 5 that I’m awake, and can’t get back to sleep at all…so I end up getting up after trying…which if I can’t get a nap during the day to combat the tired feeling, things feel even worse.

There’s no change with the head pain; if anything it’s getting slighty worse as each day goes by and on both sides. It may be nothing, but it’s only a few weeks until I can report it to Dr. Spooner and maybe we can see if there’s something stirring……

It seems like the SSP has run out, which wasn’t, of course, near full wages at all, but it helped. If it’s a definite end to it, it’s going to be putting yet another mark in the ‘is there any point to anything’ column, which is growing quite rapidly and far outweighing the reasons why I feel like I should bother carrying on.


I’m resigned to the fact that sleeping patterns are back to how they were six months ago. I’ll ride it out until the next appointment and if it’s still the same, I’ll bring it up, but chances are nothing can be done.

The weekend of fundraising was a success; all of the firewalkers hit their targets and enjoyed themselves. At least they seemed to…

Apparantly the amount we raised for the quiz was over double what they would normally get for a charity night in the pub, which can only be an impressive acheivement. I need a rest from it all though; the auction won’t be for a while yet and I just need some time.


The wooziness is showing no signs of letting up, if anything, it seems to be getting worse. The only changes that have been made in the time it’s happened has been the small drop in the dosage of steroids and even that’s too insignificant to cause anything. The sleeping patterns are back to being unpredictable, leading to a feeling of constant tiredness; which could all be contributing to the head pain.

The first event is completed, all 3 who said they would firewalk did so and seemed pleased they had once it was done. I’d hope there will be several donations made that people have been holding back on before but that’s very much in the hands of the individual team members.

Hopefully tomorrow’s quiz makes some sort of impact to make everything worthwhile, enough has gone into getting it prepared and it would be gutting if any number of things go wrong.


The sleep thing seems to be getting better, or at least it’s lasting more of a normal length, but it doesn’t make the day any less draining. Regardless of how much I nap, or try and nap, there’s still a tiredness there; heavy eyes, a general feeling of fatigue… something that isn’t going to go.

Progress has been made with the donations side of things, hopefully it’s just a matter of days before the actual fund page is set up and it can be publicised even more.


After many months, it finally looks like I can sleep through without having to get up midway to visit the toilet….it’s taken 5 months and it may just be temporary, but for the time being, it’ll do. It’s not affecting how drained I feel some mornings, far from it, but there are slight improvements.

Road closed

It’s got to be the chemo tablets knocking me about, which is to be expected with the double dose I’ve been on, I suppose. The grogginess has been here all week and it’s been pretty draining at points. There’s only tonight’s left to take for now though so hopefully not too much more interference.

Although, it’s helped the sleeping; I’ve been able to drop off from the initial wake up in the early hours of the morning to at least mid-morning, sometimes mid-afternoons. This hasn’t helped the to-do list get done, but at least it’s reclaimed some of the missing sleep.


It would appear that whatever caused yesterday was just a blip, as it improved this morning…not a great deal, but better than it was. There’s still the sleep issues and the wobbliness has got worse since the chemo tablets started again, but not to a drastic level yet.


It might just be a coincidence as it’s only been the past few days, but the small drop in the dosage of steroids seems to have caused all kinds of issues. I’m getting wobblier and the drowsiness is getting worse…I struggle to nap in the day now and while getting to bed sometimes produces decent sleep lengths, it’s rare.

Rubber ball

I’ve been nodding off a lot more than normal over the past day or so, which always seems to leave the stinging pain in my joints when I wake up. It causes a few extra wobbles when moving about, but that’s happening anyway. It must have something to do with just being on generic tablets for now instead of anything that is actually attacking Clive.

I know there must be countless reasons they are doing it, but this month break from the chemo tablets is quite frustrating. I’d rather be having some dosage, or indeed closer to getting a scan done; purely so I know somethings happening….it feels like a month of floating in even more uncertainty and it’s a different sort of draining it causes.

No more

It could be because the radiotheraphy is ending, and I’ve never been a fan of things ending, or it could be the tiredness taking it’s toll; the broken sleep and lack of being able to nap for nigh on 3 months is playing havoc with my energy levels, but it’s got to the point I’ve had enough.

It might sound great not being able to work and instead lounging around, doing small tasks and watching the occasional DVD to make the days go by, but it’s not all it’s cracked up to be, the feeling of inadequacy and uselessness far outweighs any positive side to it. I know it’s going to be like that for at least the rest of the year.

Maybe something has finally clicked this week, and to all intents with a month long break from all treatments starting in a few days I should be bouncing off the ceiling with joy, but this is probably the lowest I’ve felt. Is it the fact I’ll be floating for a month, with no idea on what’s happening until mid-January? Whatever the cause is, I don’t know how much longer I can carry it.